Why Parenting is Actually Really Easy

Parenting is so easy. The thing I love most about it is the fact that there is no gray area. It’s so black and white, straightforward, and to-the-point. Another amazing aspect of the easiest job in the world? Everyone does it the exact same way so there’s never any awkward moments, comparing, or judging. You want to be a good parent? Simple. Just learn the Universal Parenting Advice List, and follow it closely [I mean, but not too closely, of course.]

Universal Parenting Advice:

1. Excessive exercise is not permitted during pregnancy.
2. Be sure to keep up with your regular workout routine throughout your pregnancy. Lifting is encouraged as long as the weight is not “too heavy”.
3. Do not eat peanut butter while pregnant.
4. Make sure to eat peanut butter while pregnant in order to introduce your baby to nuts; therefore, reducing the risk of a nut allergy.
5. It is best to deliver your baby at the hospital with trained nurses and doctors.
6. Midwives and doulas make home births most comfortable for mom and baby.
7. Be sure to give your baby a pacifier shortly after birth to get them used to the idea of it.
8. Wait at least a few weeks into breastfeeding before you introduce a pacifier to your baby, or they may become confused.
9. Pacifiers should be long and rounded like a real nipple or flat and rounded so as not to be confused with a real nipple.
10. You should establish a breastfeeding schedule right away to control when your baby eats.
11. Feeding your baby on-demand is best for baby.
12. Wake your baby throughout the night in order to make sure your baby is eating enough.
13. Let your baby sleep; they will wake you if they’re hungry.
14. It is best to nurse your baby to sleep so they feel secure.
15. Letting your baby cry-it-out before falling asleep teaches them how to soothe themselves thus they become more self sufficient.
16. Wear your baby as much as possible so they feel close to you.
17. Do not hold your baby too much or they will become spoiled.
18. Be sure to vaccinate your child. Don’t miss any immunizations.
19. Do not vaccinate your child. This is a dangerous practice. You should at least consider a delayed schedule.
20. Give your baby a bottle within 2 weeks after birth to be sure they will take one.
21. Wait 4-6 weeks to give your baby a bottle or they may refuse the breast.
22. Your baby may begin eating solid foods at 4 months.
23. It is best to wait until your baby is 6 months old to introduce any solids.

Sorry, it seems I lost the rest of my Universal Parenting Advice List. But the good news is, the older they get, the easier it is. Deciding when to feed your baby solid foods is so difficult, but once you get into disciplining your child it’s a breeze. Just be sure to give your child a choice whenever you ask them to listen because that helps them feel like they are in control. And remember, you are the parent so that means you only need to give them options when it’s convenient for you. If they aren’t obeying, usually a time-out will do the trick. Or did it say a spanking and then a conversion about what they did wrong followed with telling them how much you love them? Ah, I can’t remember. But luckily, the same disciplinary consequences typically work for any child with any personality type. Phew! Can you imagine how hard it would be if that weren’t the case?!

Well, that’s all I got…GOOD LUCK!

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